I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
