no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
