you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize