I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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