Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
