How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
