You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
