Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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