i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
