i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I deserve this hangover.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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