Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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