Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
