You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
