Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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