i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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