You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
