I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I stole a fireplace last night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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