what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
