everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
