Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
