I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
