I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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