party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Sorry my hands just texted you
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize