Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
