oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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