his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
