I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize