Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
