Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
