I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
