i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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