You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
