Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
