who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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