Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
