he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
