I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
