oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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