We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
