If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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