Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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