drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You're a waste of cheezeits
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
