A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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