what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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