Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
