You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
