I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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