Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize