i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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