I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
