If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i drank out of a bidet.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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