Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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