Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
