Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my being single is dangerous.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize