Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There r osticjed everywhere
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
