so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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