I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
