she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
