So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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