Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
