just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize