Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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