I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
