kristin has been a bad kristin
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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