I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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