Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
