Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
