As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
