So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
