He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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