found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
