lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
