Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
